The Women Who Are Taking a Break from Dating Apps This Summer

Divai Brown, a 39-year-old lawyer from Harlem, has been living in Dublin for about 15 months, working in finance, and she’s enjoying it a lot.

Despite the various changes that came with her move, dating in the country has not been easy for her. She mentions several factors that have made it difficult, including being a successful Black woman in a well-paying job, which has scared some men away.

Until recently, she was using dating apps like Tinder, Hinge, and Bumble. However, she saw Tinder as a “long shot” for finding something serious, and Bumble, which requires women to initiate the conversation, required too much effort.

She said: “It’s like having another job. While I value having people around, I don’t know if I value them to the point of exhaustion.

As the days get longer and the weather warms up, some are leaving dating apps, especially for now. Several women were interviewed, and many said that they are taking back the time they spent swiping through profiles during the cold winter months. They are prioritizing real experiences and focusing on having fun.

Ms. Brown recently decided to take a break from dating apps and will be doing things she loves, like going to food and wine festivals or hiking. For now, she’s leaving her dating life “to the will of the universe.”

“I’m 39, never married, no kids — I don’t know what the dating pool in the 30s to 40s looks like,” she said. “I feel like if someone likes me, they will let me know. And if it’s not there, then it’s not there.”

Atoosa Moinzadeh is also taking a break. Ms. Moinzadeh is a 30-year-old resident of Brooklyn who has been using dating apps for about 10 years, starting with Tinder in 2014. She “tried all the apps,” including Bumble, OKCupid, and even Coffee Meets Bagel “for a very short time.” Recently, she used Tinder and Hinge, but deleted all dating apps in March when her depression set in.

“For me, it’s hard to get to the point of actually meeting someone,” Ms. Moinzadeh said in a phone interview. “I don’t have a problem finding a match, it’s just adding to the level of ‘This seems like a decent person to meet in real life.’

Before deleting the apps, she had talked to two people, one of whom she had a great date with before they suddenly stopped talking. The other person admitted a month later that he wasn’t ready for anything serious.

“I think the final straw was that, as someone who doesn’t really like the idea of casual dating, I kept meeting people who didn’t know what they wanted, not using them purposefully,” Ms. Moinzadeh said. She also mentioned that she has never had a long-term relationship that resulted from online dating.

For Vinessa Burnett, a community program manager in Dallas, her dating-free summer began in January after she came across an article about the hopelessness felt by long-term dating app users and was inspired to take a year off.

“It hit me like, ‘Wait, I actually downloaded Tinder in 2013,'” she said in a phone interview. “So I’ve been on there since the beginning, and I’m still single.”

She said that the story, which was published in The New York Times, had a profound effect on her because she had become hopeless and depressed when things didn’t work out for a long time.

“So, in an effort to rid myself of the fatigue I was feeling and get rid of the stress I attributed to dating, I went without the apps,” she said.

Since January, Ms. Burnett, 28, has been spending her time offline and has gone on dates with four men, including one she met at a virtual event. She did have a “mini slump” and logged back onto the dating app for one day before deleting it again.

She said that being (mostly) offline has also changed her preferences, which has been a positive experience. She’s a Christian, but has had a successful relationship with a Muslim man. She’s also 5-foot-2 and usually dates taller men. She said: “I don’t think I could have gone for these guys. They were all short.”

And even though Ms. Moinzadeh had previously taken a summer off from dating apps, she plans to make it a long-term break. She has a vacation planned this summer and plans to spend her free time hanging out with friends and going to concerts.

She said: “If I meet someone as a result of this, great. If not, then I don’t want to force myself to find someone to marry. At this point, I’m trying to find someone I can truly connect with instead of judging them quickly based on what’s on their profile.”

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