Audrey Findlay, 75, and Barbara Rowe, 63, talk to each other every weekday morning at 8 a.m. before heading to their gift shop, Findlay Rowe, which they started 12 years ago. They used to work together in a health care company prior to that for 13 years, and now they live four houses apart. They usually end their day with an hour-long walk and “twin talk,” where they sometimes finish each other’s sentences, showcasing their deep bond and closeness.
Research suggests that sibling relationships, which over 80% of Americans experience, have benefits that last well into adulthood. According to a 2019 study, warmth between adult siblings can provide a buffer against loneliness and boost well-being.
Although there isn’t much research on how well most adults get along with their siblings, data from qualitative interviews with 262 adults from the book “Adult Sibling Relationships” shows that 64% of them are good friends with at least one of their siblings, and 45% consider at least one of their siblings as their best friend. While 70% said they had ups and downs with their siblings throughout their lives, 8% said that they were never close to their siblings.
Dr. Geoffrey Greif, who is a professor at the University of Maryland School of Social Work and co-wrote the book, mentioned that siblings have a certain degree of ambiguity and ambivalence in their relationships, and it is important to keep that in mind so that they don’t set an unrealistic standard for what a strong sibling relationship entails.
Fortunately, there are strategies that siblings can use to keep their relationship strong and healthy:
Give each other permission to change
Nicholas Gant, 40, and his sister Gaybrielle LeAnn, 37, were close as young children, but when they reached adolescence, they grew apart. However, after attending historically Black colleges and universities (H.B.C.U.s), which taught them the importance of building a community, they began to understand and show up for one another in their adult years. They embraced each other’s growth and individuality, rather than seeing each other as mere blood relatives and were able to repair their connection.
To strengthen a sibling bond, Nedra Glover Tawwab, a therapist based in Charlotte, N.C. who wrote “Drama Free: A Guide to Managing Unhealthy Family Relationships,” suggested being mindful of change and evolution in a sibling’s personality by regularly asking about their interests and life experiences to see how much they have grown and changed.
Be mindful of how your parents affect your dynamic
Parental favoritism can complicate sibling bonds, but by establishing ground rules, such as refraining from talking about siblings with parents and avoiding gossip, siblings can focus on cultivating their connection. Discussing parental favoritism can also be an excellent strategy to strengthen adult sibling relationships and repair any past damage.
Make time to enjoy each other’s company
Sibling relationships require regular attention and effort to thrive. Finding enjoyable activities to do together is crucial to nurturing the bond and creating shared memories. For example, Ken LoCicero, 54, and Ricky LoCicero, 58, ran 50 marathons in 50 states together, relishing the training and planning each other’s support. Indulging in fun activities can include reminiscing old memories by looking at old photos or simply having a quiet moment together.
