The headline is hyperbole, granted. I’m 54 years previous. I’ve had numerous dangerous days. Was once this one the worst? Unimaginable to mention. Can I identify a worse one off the highest of my head? Now that I take into consideration it, no! However we’ll get to that.2024 Hyundai Santa Fe | First LookLet’s communicate in regards to the vehicle first. The vaunted Hyundai Elantra N! The automobile recognized during the automotive-YouTube and reddit-forum universe because the funds choice to the Honda Civic Kind R and Toyota Corolla GR, providing up 98 % in their efficiency at a ten-thousand-dollar cut price (extra whilst you think about broker gouging). Former BMW M-father Albert Biermann’s reward to the average people: a track-ready weapon that’ll do double-duty as a humble circle of relatives sedan when wanted, yet isn’t greater than a flick of a baby-blue N button clear of springing into complete rifle-shot-backfire motion. What’s to not love?
Mine used to be a Christmas provide to myself a pair years in the past. For many of my lifestyles I’ve solely pushed beater shitboxes — for the longest time taking a perverse satisfaction in by no means having spent greater than $2,500 on any of them — but if my newest acquisition, a Saab 9-5 Aero wagon with a sketchy name historical past, began appearing indicators that its head-gasket problems would possibly have much less to do with the pinnacle than the block, I’d in spite of everything had sufficient. Time to behave like a grown-up for as soon as and purchase myself a vehicle with a real guaranty.
A crushingly miserable conclusion on the time, as a result of I normally hate new vehicles. The load, the bloat, the superfluous and gimmicky tech, the pursuit of beside the point numbers and advertising B.S. that handiest serves to additional distance drivers from the act of using — all of it simply bums me out. I hate automated transmissions. They all. I don’t care how “just right” they’re. New vehicles suck. I advised you: I’m previous.
However then I remembered the Veloster N I’d pushed a couple of years prior on the Rolex 24. I used to be in Daytona for a tale about Hyundai’s nascent IMSA program, with Bryan Herta Autosport operating a group of TCRs within the Michelin Pilot Problem. When hotshoe Michael Lewis took me for a lap in my totally inventory boulevard vehicle I used to be legitimately floored via the volume of velocity he carried in the course of the infield, and he gushed about how intently the dynamics of the street vehicle reflected the ones of its racer-fied siblings. (Lewis would cross directly to win 3 of BHA’s next five-and-counting championships within the years since.) The automobile used to be reasonably priced, amusing, and — maximum memorably — it felt particular.
Picture: Peter HughesBy mid-2022 when I used to be buying groceries, regardless that, the Veloster’s funky asymmetrical hot-hatch configuration used to be being phased out in want of the extra typical four-door Elantra. Similar drivetrain, identical suspension setup, principally the entire Hyundai N goodness in a slightly-longer-wheelbase, extra passenger-friendly package deal. And less expensive, weirdly. I truthfully most well-liked the appearance of the Veloster yet wasn’t about to pay an additional thousand dollars for a jankier internal. Elantra N it used to be, then.
When you recall, 2022 used to be additionally the 12 months all of us discovered in charge no matter used to be fallacious in our lives at the international provide chain, and there used to be a ready checklist for just about the entirety; the Elantra N had long gone on sale overdue in 2021 yet I’d observed precisely one within the wild and showroom flooring had been barren. After a couple of weeks of having dicked round via out-of-state dealerships, I discovered the least terrible native outlet and put down a deposit that made me first in line for his or her subsequent 6-speed handbook allocation.
Six months later it in spite of everything arrived, as I say, days ahead of Christmas. A white one. I didn’t specifically care in regards to the colour, yet one day all over that interminable wait I’d had a dream a few white one, so this felt unusually fated. I introduced within the set of Michelin X-Ices fixed on Sparco Terras I had on deck for this very instance, signed the forms whilst they threw them on, and took supply of the primary and virtually indisputably ultimate new vehicle I can ever purchase. Granted, I’m now not that previous, yet I say this even now as a result of I simply can’t consider there ever once more being any other new vehicle that I can each be capable of have the funds for and, crucially, need. They don’t make ’em like this anymore!
Unsurprisingly, the automobile kicked ass. I beloved it from that first force house, beloved it much more after 600 diligent break-in miles after I may just in spite of everything put my foot in it, beloved it extra nonetheless come spring when the ones wintry weather tires were given swapped out for the ridiculously grippy Pilot Sports activities it shipped with. General Jekyll and Hyde persona, docile and relax round the city yet an absolute bastard when known as upon; fast and responsive, with essentially the most hilariously gentle rear finish I’ve ever skilled in a front-drive vehicle. The irritating tech used to be all simply (and completely) disabled, the helpful tech intuitive and assuredly built-in with bodily controls — different producers bear in mind: that is the way you do a contemporary internal — and it used to be a easy topic to configure the ones N buttons in some way that allowed me to seamlessly trade between what I considered Eco-Grandma, Speedy-but-At ease, Firmed-Up-but-Now not-Aggro, and Complete-Ship Risk-to-Society modes. My twelve-year-old daughter who couldn’t care much less about vehicles beloved it; her buddies beloved it; unexpectedly I used to be the cool dad because of my sizzling rod Hyundai, cross determine. Even the automobile’s hideous grill used to be redeemed when my highschool bandmate remarked upon its unmistakable resemblance to the visage of 1 Paul Stanley, one thing this is unimaginable to un-see as soon as it’s identified to you. We dubbed it the Carchild.
Picture: Peter HughesNone of this got here as a wonder. I knew I used to be going to love the automobile; that’s why I purchased it. What I wasn’t anticipating, regardless that, used to be simply how a lot amusing it will be to force one thing that I beloved so unreservedly. How uncommon, in our difficult global, as a way to really feel simply uncomplicatedly just right about one thing! Hell, the Ns are manufactured in South Korea, so I may just even faux I wasn’t implicated in Hyundai’s stateside child-labor scenario. I beloved going to IMSA races and rooting for the Elantra TCRs, seeing the ever-growing checklist of championships at the Herta trailers, filling out the dumb on-line surveys at Hyundai’s “activation” tents — How most probably would I be to counsel one to a chum? 10/10 child, all day! — and getting any other cool t-shirt in trade, the race vehicle fading to black with the tagline at the again: By no means simply force.
Ok, I need you to consider that word echoing into the void because the display is going darkish and we now transition from the primary a part of our tale to the second one.
This will be the (perhaps) worst day of my lifestyles a part of the tale. To set this up I want to provide an explanation for that for the ultimate twenty-plus years I’ve made my residing as a traveling and recording musician, taking part in bass in a cult band known as the Mountain Goats. And whilst I are living in western New York, the remainder of the band are unfold around the 3 corners of North Carolina’s Analysis Triangle, which means that that extra frequently than now not, our excursions began and ended from there. And since flying on this nation has change into an unreliable nightmare, my M.O. for ages have been to force the 11 hours down to fulfill the bus at the start of excursion, depart my vehicle at our drummer’s area, and force house on the finish — one thing I by no means minded. 11 hours of non violent, uninterrupted solitude? Are you kidding? I regarded ahead to it, particularly with my new trip making quick paintings of Virginia’s quite a lot of and pleasant Blue Ridge Mountain passes.
In opposition to the top of our most up-to-date excursion I awoke one morning feeling like loss of life. A Covid take a look at showed my suspicion: I’d be lacking our ultimate 4 presentations. As an alternative I’d be staying behindyt in Charlottesville, Virginia, quarantined in a lodge room till such time as I may just safely make my manner house.
Now not the primary time I’d gotten Covid on excursion! That have been towards the top of one in every of our first post-lockdown outings, within the fall of 2021, when 3 folks got here up sure and I spent per week keeping apart in a lodge room in McLean ahead of returning house to my circle of relatives — Virginia being the place I am going to get Covid, it seems that. My shameful secret on the time? It dominated. Not too long ago vaxxed, a gentle case, I handed the time ordering in actually just right meals, observing films, studying, being attentive to track, monitoring the birds outdoor my ninth-floor window…I privately referred to it as my Covid retreat. Bliss.
This time used to be now not bliss. This time used to be, in truth, the furthest factor from bliss. This used to be per week within the suicidal ideation chamber, a dismal evening of the soul punctuated via room provider deliveries of Kleenex and Gatorade left outdoor my door. Bodily I used to be a damage: grievously in poor health and incapable of sleep, and with the entirety I installed my mouth tasting like absolute ass (even worse ass after I were given the Paxlovid, which arrived too overdue to impart the rest yet its least delightful side-effects), I couldn’t actually devour both. Worse but, regardless that, used to be the psychological funk, the short-circuited government functioning, the proverbial mind fog from which, as the times went on, steadily started to emerge the contours of a profoundly distressing and doubtlessly life-altering realization, to wit: I don’t assume I will be able to do that — emphatically issues in each and every route — anymore. You recognize that line in regards to the frame preserving rating? This used to be the frame protecting up the judges’ playing cards, and each and every ultimate one in every of them mentioned the similar factor. Recreation over, friend.
I’d examined sure on Monday morning; via Friday I couldn’t take it anymore. I needed to GTFO. I needed to cross house. After all, I used to be in no situation to head anyplace, yet that used to be inappropriate. My scenario had change into untenable. I booked a condominium vehicle and plotted my get away.
The plan used to be a convoluted one, even beneath the most productive of instances. I’d get a rideshare from the lodge to the Charlottesville airport, the place I’d select up the condominium. Power 4 hours to the Raleigh-Durham airport, the place’d I go back it. Get any other rideshare to my vehicle, a 30 minutes away in Chapel Hill. After which get as a lot highway beneath me as I may just ahead of discovering a lodge for the evening, thereby splitting the 11 hours I in most cases down in a single gulp into chunks that could be extra manageable given my shaky situation. Sounds cheap, regardless that, proper? Possible, a minimum of?
Pals, after I say that it used to be all I may just do to get myself and my stuff — a suitcase, a backpack, a duffle bag and a garment bag — from my lodge room to the foyer, I imply it used to be actually all I may just do. Put out of your mind about the remainder of it. From that time on, I used to be absolutely past my operational capability, reserves empty, borrowing towards long term returns that I don’t ever be expecting to comprehend. In truth? I must’ve been within the fucking sanatorium. Saline drip in my arm, medicated to oblivion. That’s now not how we do issues right here, regardless that, so as a substitute I sat down at the curb within the 90-degree Virginia morning swelter and waited for my trip.
Simply to stay the dropping streak going, what do you assume Avis gave me on the airport? Of the entire cars lately to be had from the rental-car roulette wheel, which one would maximum completely supplement the abject depression of this second? When you guessed Nissan Rogue, give your self a prize, and please settle for my condolences as smartly, as a result of I’ve to consider that you simply’ve been right here ahead of too.
I drove to RDU like an entire asshole. The only redeeming high quality of a Nissan Rogue — any Nissan from the ultimate 20 years actually — is that it telegraphs to different drivers that you don’t give a shit, a truth I used to complete merit in preserving the left lane transparent in entrance of me. Made shockingly just right time consequently. (It happens to me now that this could be helpful intel for long term Cannonballers. Are you able to have compatibility an AMG engine in a Rogue? Does AMG make a CVT?)
It used to be mid-afternoon by the point I used to be dropped off in our drummer’s gravel driveway, exhausted yet thankful to have the toughest phase in the back of me. I snapped a pic of our vehicles sitting subsequent to one another and texted it to him; Typhoon Debby had come via and dumped a ton of rain a pair days previous, and I’d had visions of unveiling as much as downed timber or worse. Luckily, the vehicles and his area seemed to have weathered the typhoon unscathed. I loaded up the Hyundai, checked the oil, were given myself settled in and rolled out onto the road with an enormous sigh of reduction. In some way, I’d completed it. I used to be in my vehicle, pointed towards house. All that used to be left now used to be to only force. Simple. Simply force.
Sorry, what used to be that?
Slightly a mile down the street the take a look at engine gentle flashed and the automobile went into limp mode. Pedal-to-the-floor-going-nowhere limp mode.
Now, I’m normally a beautiful profane individual in my on a regular basis lifestyles, and I have a tendency to get extra volubly profane when shit that’s meant to paintings begins fucking up, for instance. This can be a measure of ways completely defeated I felt at this second that the phrases that got here out of my mouth weren’t a torrent of abuse, of natural, undistilled rage directed at everybody and no person immediately, yet one thing nearer to a whimper: No. Please no. Please don’t do that to me. Now not now. Now not as of late.
I pulled off onto an aspect boulevard and pulled my trusty $20 OBD-II reader out of the middle console, a addiction leftover from beater days. A formality; as with the Covid take a look at, I already knew the solution. P1326 — the knock sensor. A recognized factor with those vehicles, one going again years on fashions during the Hyundai vary. There are boards filled with tales of vehicles throwing codes and going into limp mode after a go back and forth via a vehicle wash, or worse, a puddle; certainly, I’d recognized sufficient that after I took my vehicle to get Waxoyled I in particular advised the fellow to be delicate when cleansing across the knock sensor previously, confirmed him precisely the place it used to be and the entirety. For some reason why the attachment the place the sensor is attached is extremely liable to moisture and can quick out if water collects atop it. Mine had behaved itself till as of late; obviously it used to be ready till the time used to be proper to inflict most psychic injury and let me know that I’d purchased the funds recreation sedan similar of a fucking F-35.
Thrust unexpectedly from the anticipation of a zenned-out few hours of open highway into obligatory problem-solving mode, my still-fogged mind struggled. What do I even do? I limped to the car parking zone of a close-by vintage retailer to get out of damage’s manner. The automobile’s heart display proffered a button with directions to name Hyundai provider right away. Now not positive what that’s going to perform, yet k, positive. They dispatched a tow truck and advised me to sit down tight. Within the intervening time I scrolled via discussion board posts on my telephone — can’t I simply transparent the code? There’s not anything if truth be told fallacious with the automobile, proper? After a couple of unsuccessful makes an attempt, I sooner or later controlled to search out the mix of ignition sequences and code-reader inputs that put out the engine gentle. Ok, candy, again in trade. I texted the tow motive force again and advised him his services and products had been now not required. Pulled triumphantly again onto the street and made it just about half-way around the intersection when the sunshine got here again on and vehicle went again into limp mode.
Now got here the profanity.When opting for a place in your overall frightened breakdown, there are a variety of things you’re going to need to imagine. Fewer other folks round to witness it the simpler, in fact. When you’re outside, possibly search for color? In spite of everything, it’s nice if there’s some large heavy items close by that you’ll select up and throw in a futile expression of your individual helplessness, simply to really feel such as you’re doing one thing — free bricks or large pavers are perfect for this.
Luckily for me there used to be an empty workplace park inside coasting distance, with a car park completely suited to the instance. You ever observed a grown-ass, middle-aged guy totally lose his shit? It’s now not lovely. However infrequently in lifestyles it takes a second like this to shake you out of no matter mix of complacency and denial you’ve been residing in, and admit to your self that it will probably’t proceed, alternatively a lot grief it’s going to purpose you. In habit circles they name it hitting backside. In my case it supposed calling again the tow truck motive force.
By the point he confirmed up it used to be 5 o’clock, on a Saturday. The provider division on the nearest dealership used to be closed, naturally, and wouldn’t open once more till Monday morning. I in short regarded as staying till then yet briefly discovered that if I needed to spend any other complete day in a lodge room…smartly, let’s simply say that wasn’t actually an choice. I left the automobile on the broker, were given but any other rideshare again out to an airport lodge, and flew house the following day.
To Hyundai’s credit score, the automobile used to be mounted — knock sensor changed — Monday morning, and the company other folks I spoke with had been exceedingly useful in arranging to have the automobile returned to me on their dime with assurances that I’d be reimbursed for all bills incurred. And certain sufficient, per week later the automobile used to be again in my driveway.
I don’t even need to take a look at the damned factor.
Each little bit of enthusiasm I ever had for it’s been completely extinguished. The t-shirts went within the trash. It’s so humorous to me now, after I take into consideration the a 12 months and a half of I spent meticulously converting my very own oil, doing two-bucket hand washes, parking on the a ways finish of the grocery store lot like a boomer with a brand new 911. What a chump! What an absolute fucking mark! It’s a Hyundai, bro!
A few of you studying this could be considering smartly come on, guy, it’s a vehicle. Issues occur. And also you’re proper, in fact. Glance, I’ve dailied decades-old Saabs for a big bite of my lifestyles. There’s a reason why I raise an OBD-II reader, even in a brand new vehicle. I am getting it.
However my addiction of the use of phrases like “funds” and “reasonably priced” when it comes to this vehicle shouldn’t difficult to understand the truth that, out the door, after taxes and vacation spot and the entirety else, I paid just about 40 thousand bucks for this factor. We’ve been conditioned to assume that’s now not so much, yet to me a minimum of, it’s a colossal sum. And but they couldn’t spend the additional buck-fifty it will’ve price for a weatherproof connector to get me house on an afternoon after I’d all yet killed myself simply looking for my manner into within the motive force’s seat. By no means simply force, certainly!
Part of me needs to industry it for a Corolla — now not a GR, only a Corolla, a center finger to all the thought of a groovy vehicle, the inexpensive the simpler — yet my child has made it transparent that whilst she’s advantageous with me quitting my rock-star process, eliminating “her” Hyundai would mark a breach of father-daughter family members for which I’d by no means be forgiven. That, together with the knowledge that I’d be screwing myself financially via promoting at this level, are reason why sufficient to stay it, a minimum of for now.
In spite of everything this, would I nonetheless counsel an Elantra N to a chum?
Neatly, it relies. Simply the use of it for tune days, or to provoke the twelve-year-olds on your lifestyles? Positive.
Does it rain the place you are living? Does it ever rain any place you will have reason why to head? Would possibly there ever be a scenario the place your sanity is dependent upon the automobile getting you from one position to any other?
If that is so, I’d say the N if that’s the case stands for Now not for your fucking lifestyles.
