Slate Plus contributors get extra Care and Feeding each and every week. Have a query about children, parenting, or circle of relatives lifestyles? Post it right here!
Pricey Care and Feeding,
My boyfriend has two children, ages 6 and eight. We’ve simplest been in combination for 2 years, and we waited a 12 months to introduce me (my request). He’s a heat and loving boyfriend and a loyal and concerned mum or dad. I again his parenting selections, and I do know I’m no longer their mother—if he says it’s bedtime and his daughter asks me for 30 extra mins, I say it’s bedtime. If he and their mother are doing away with the iPad for a pair days, I say no iPad.
However he grew up in a circle of relatives that believed in substitute remedy, and infrequently I don’t agree round how he treats the youngsters’ diseases. I do know he and his ex additionally struggle about this. I don’t need to become involved, however I’m no longer positive the place the road is. If there’s a damaged bone or a concussion, he’s taking them to the ER. They get common dental care. But when a child has a chilly or sniffles, he bans sugar and encourages consuming sizzling water and particular natural tea blends. OK, I don’t consider that, however I do know you’ll be able to simplest actually deal with the indicators of a chilly, anyway, so it doesn’t appear that destructive.
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But if considered one of his children had a top fever that wouldn’t cross down, after which precise pneumonia, he nonetheless used to be dead-set towards Tylenol or antibiotics, and sought after to do issues the alternative-medicine manner. When this took place, I privately looped in his ex, who got here via and fought with him to get actual hospital treatment. However that’s no longer proper, and I don’t know what to do.
–Frightened About Naturopathy
Pricey Frightened,
I don’t blame you for being anxious! You’ve walked right into a fraught state of affairs, made harder via the truth that there’s a pointy divide between your boyfriend and his ex in this very query. (Certainly, I wouldn’t be stunned if this warfare is one giant explanation why they aren’t in combination anymore.)
Ordinarily, when anyone disagrees with the parenting taste in their new spouse, my recommendation is to do what you’ve principally been seeking to do: Simply take a seat again and spot how issues increase; don’t faux to be the mum or dad; handle the truth that your evaluations when it comes to easy methods to lift those children, for now, don’t actually subject. However that is other. Those kids’s well being and protection are at stake. It’s something to provide a kid natural tea when they’ve a chilly. It’s some other to forget about a case of pneumonia! Truthfully, I’m satisfied you narced to the ex, even supposing that used to be an not possible state of affairs to seek out your self in.
Rebecca Onion
My Daughter Comes Again From Cousin Sleepovers an Fully Other Child
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That is greater than a parenting debate between your boyfriend on your ex, and you’ll be able to’t come up with the money for to sit down again and wait. This factor imperils no longer simplest the youngsters’s well being however your courting’s. Is there actually a long-term long term between you two if, like his ex, you can not stand via whilst he makes objectively dangerous selections about his children’ hospital treatment? I don’t suppose so. So you could as neatly be proactive and broach the topic now.
I believe you want to talk up without delay. Inform your boyfriend how worried you have been when his kid had a major sickness and he wouldn’t consider science and drugs to handle it. You’re nervous he’s hanging their protection in peril, and you’ll be able to’t stand via whilst this kind of factor is going on. You’ll be able to even inform him, if it comes up, that you simply have been the one that known as his ex in regards to the pneumonia. The result of this dialog will not be delightful, however they’ll unquestionably be clarifying.
—Dan
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My husband is a thrill-seeker. He races bikes, scuba dives, and climbs mountains. He has appeared ahead to sharing those passions with our son ever since we discovered I used to be pregnant. Our 5-year-old son, on the other hand, has been identified with sensory problems and is very delicate to movement. Even swinging on his swing set is “too rapid” and “frightening” for him. My husband desperately needs to move alongside his love of curler coasters to our son. He purchased season passes to a big theme park and takes our son there frequently. Those visits at all times finish horribly.
